So tough!

I never thought
It would be so hard.
So hard to Smile...

Now,
I understand the terms
"Clinical death" & "Biological death ".
I wonder,
If I feel anything at all ...
Yes, I do ...
What I feel,
Is your absence...
What I hear,
Is your silence ...
What I see,
Is me, frozen in time ...

There was a time I trusted my heart.
And now it says,
Things have changed.
Says, he is no longer mine.
Says, he has forgotten me,
Says, he needs me no longer,
There was a time I trusted my heart ...
Not anymore,

Like any other,
You have started to lie as well  !
No dear, I can't trust you !
Or, I don't want to lose him,
The one, you said,
Would stand by my side, to fight all odds,
Yes, Is now fighting,
But me ?

Which of you should I trust ?
The you who said, "Yes dear, he's the one ! "
Or
You who say, "let go of him, he's afraid ! " ?
Which one of you should I trust ?

My heart asks me back
"Didn't you, my dear,
Make a promise to follow his words,
follow his decisions??,
And then my dear, still you weep ?"

Yes,
Yes I did make that promise,
But,
More than that I made a promise bigger than this...
I promised, would never leave him,
Promised, would never abandon him, no matter what !
I promised would help him find his reading glasses,
I promised would pass his walking stick when out for a walk,
I promised would make him a sweater to keep him warm.
I promised would gift him a Princess, who would love him more than I !

All these promises, now are dying ...
All these promises, with me now, are nothing but words,
Words that mean nothing !
Just one prayer,
Hope this is just a dream,
Wish you woke me up, like you do
And say
"Its Ok dear Its just a dream honey, I am here, open your eyes ! "

If not,
I wish, I sleep forever,
And wake up never !