A quick update !

I have made up my mind !

At last !

Moving on ...

Gonna put in my best to make my dreams come true...

No matter what .Now no turning back and waiting for anything / anyone.

And I am more than sure my Lord's blessing and guidance is always with me and will keep me within the moral limits.

Above all, I surrender all my actions and thought unto his feet !

I believe, none of my actions nor my thought truely belong to me !

They are His plans executed through me!

And since what I call my dreams, are nothing but my thoughts, they too are incepted in me by Him!

Hence," I" do not exist on my own !

"I" am just His tool !

Hare Krishna !!!

What to do and not to !!!!

Hi

I think what ever on the pages here are just fantasies that cross my mind .

Those that I sometimes cannot distinguish if its real or my imagination !

There might be things that some might find offending.

Some might find it silly .

May be even unnecessary ....

But what somebody feels is not in my interest!

All I get from blurting out over here is just a person, an imaginary person to listen to my rubbish thoughts.

Rubbish, I say and hence I dont want such thoughts and ideas to get into the real me and pollute my life.

So I write, to get rid of thoughts, to keep me away from such things happening for real.

I think there should be no reason for anyone to feel strong feelings within themselves with what is written down here.

Above all,

If you read something over here....

I didn't force anyone to do so.

Yet if you still happen to read, take it as if you were reading some magazine or fiction!

And comments are always welcome.

But no orders entertained.

Life is already complicated.

Please do not make it a shit hole !

With love

Kats

ForEver

What do I do
To Keep my Spirits up?
What do I do
To See the colours again?
What do I do
To hear my heart speak?
What do I do
To listen to the eternal music?
What do I do
To Bring back my soul?
What do I do
To wake up my sleeping Love?
What do I do
To make the flowers whisper to me of their love?
What do I do
To be alive?
What do I do
To be your Love forEver?
I know the secret !
Yes!
I do!
I can change the definition of "ForEver !"
"Forever" was when you looked into my eyes,
"Forever" was when I lazed in your arms,
"Forever" is now,
"Forever" is every moment I think of you,
"Forever" is every breath I take !
"Forever" will I belong to You !

Tears
"Forever Yours"
 Love

So tough!

I never thought
It would be so hard.
So hard to Smile...

Now,
I understand the terms
"Clinical death" & "Biological death ".
I wonder,
If I feel anything at all ...
Yes, I do ...
What I feel,
Is your absence...
What I hear,
Is your silence ...
What I see,
Is me, frozen in time ...

There was a time I trusted my heart.
And now it says,
Things have changed.
Says, he is no longer mine.
Says, he has forgotten me,
Says, he needs me no longer,
There was a time I trusted my heart ...
Not anymore,

Like any other,
You have started to lie as well  !
No dear, I can't trust you !
Or, I don't want to lose him,
The one, you said,
Would stand by my side, to fight all odds,
Yes, Is now fighting,
But me ?

Which of you should I trust ?
The you who said, "Yes dear, he's the one ! "
Or
You who say, "let go of him, he's afraid ! " ?
Which one of you should I trust ?

My heart asks me back
"Didn't you, my dear,
Make a promise to follow his words,
follow his decisions??,
And then my dear, still you weep ?"

Yes,
Yes I did make that promise,
But,
More than that I made a promise bigger than this...
I promised, would never leave him,
Promised, would never abandon him, no matter what !
I promised would help him find his reading glasses,
I promised would pass his walking stick when out for a walk,
I promised would make him a sweater to keep him warm.
I promised would gift him a Princess, who would love him more than I !

All these promises, now are dying ...
All these promises, with me now, are nothing but words,
Words that mean nothing !
Just one prayer,
Hope this is just a dream,
Wish you woke me up, like you do
And say
"Its Ok dear Its just a dream honey, I am here, open your eyes ! "

If not,
I wish, I sleep forever,
And wake up never !

A tribute to the king of Gazals!

जब भी दिल के घम बढ़ते   ..

तो उनकी ग़ज़ल ,

धूप में छाव की तरह ,
ज़ख़्म पे दावकी तरह ,
दुःख में दोस्तोंकी तरह , होते सात हमेशा  .. हर दीवाने के सात ...
हाय .. क्या करेंगे अब हम ... खो दिए अपने दोस्त को  ... 

जी, ये सच हें की
न मिले आज तक आपसे ...

फिर भी मान ते हें आपको दोस्त अपना  ... 

आपने तो यूंही तोड्दिया रिश्ता हमसे !

लेकिन यह वादा हें हमारा ... न भूलेंगे आपको 

जबतक रहेगी साँस हमारी |

jii aapke liye !

जैसे बारिश से

मेहेक  उट्ठी माट्टी,

वैसे मेहेक उठे हैं हम, 

आपके आने पर |

आपकी आवज़ लेजातीहे हमें, 

न जाने कहाँ,

जहां भी हो ,

वही हे जन्नत हमारा |

इस बारिश ने फिरसे भिगोदिया 

हमें, आपही के यादों से |

मन करे, इसी वक्त 

दे जाएँ जान अपनी,

के जाते वक्त आपही के यादें 

लेजायें अपने सात |

ये बारिश भी ना?

है बहुत शरारत भरा,

देखोना ,

लेगाया  हमें एस दुनियासे दूर ...

मगर आपके पास |

March 26 th 2011

Earth hour @ home

All electrical appliances were switched off . 

My house at the time was lit by the light of my "Diya" and a tiny little perfumed candle :

Diya

Candle :

All photographs taken by myself  :-P <3 !
kats !

paintings so far !!!

Misty Forest

















Reflection !

Little but big things !

Now its been exactly 2 months and 4 days since I have started working here in Oman.

And of that, its 1 month 2 weeks and  2 days since I am in Sohar, trying and living alone in a house big enough for a small family of two [ except for the weekends... when I rush to my parents :) ].

To be frank, I have no idea about whats happening in and around in Sohar, can you believe this???

But it is true, I hardly get to know anything happening around this place! That too, you wouldn't believe, it is when my Father calls me from Muscat and asks "Are you OK dear? Is everything going fine over there?? " that I get to know if something is happening around here in my place!

My boss, Mr. Sudhan, who actually gave me this job and my senior Engineer Mr. David Howard, two sweet persons. Mr. Dave pics me up every morning for work and drops me back home too. So theres actually no big hazel for me to get to work and for getting back home, all well taken care off ! I never miss a chance to drive back home with Sudhan when ever he comes on site :-P.

Then you might think, don't you have to go out to get your supplies for the week ???

Yeah, see, thats going out to get my supplies for the "week", so that happens when I come back from Muscat.

So going out in the name of buying groceries - well, ruled out ! :-P

And then one might think, what about going for a walk

Here going out for a walk alone isn't a good idea at all. Also the sun is too hot in this area even by 5 in the evening! So to be on the safe side, I don't do that !

I was so much interested in cooking and trying out new dishes and stuff like that, but now since there is no one with me to stand by next to me in the kitchen while I am cooking, to pass some comments about the food, to make any suggestions or even to simply disturb me while I am busy cooking! I have lost all interest in cooking, as for myself, I just make something so that I don't starve myself .

Even the house, it looks so sad, there's nobody to untidy it. Nobody to put the socks in the living room, keep the coffee mug on the TV stand, nobody to misplace my comb, no pillows on the floor, no kitty calling me for his milk, no birdy fighting with me for using my laptop. Nothing, all little things of life are missing !

Everything is in its place where I left them!

In fact I was always eager to live alone in a house.I used to get pissed off when someone makes the room untidy ,or  when I don't find what I am searching for. I used to wish that if I were living alone then all these problems wouldn't be there. But now I realize, 

These small and tiny imperfections and untidyness is where the fun of life lies in.

Small and senseless shopping, what sometimes would look like an utter waste of time and money!

Walking through the malls, sipping a cup of warm coffee, commenting on everything whether or not they are of any interest to us, that is immaterial. Dad screaming from ahead, "Are you guys coming along"?? 

Missing them all !

In fact missing life as a whole !

Hmm...

Above all there's Westlife's live stage show in Muscat, coming Wednesday 13th April. 

Can you imagine a situation where you decide not to go for it, just because your friends are not here with you? Let alone the cost of the tickets (the minimum is 50 RO. which is costly indeed ).

Still, if I was my friends, may be we would have decided not to go for it because of the high ticket price, but still you know we would have found some other way to engage ourselves during that time so that later we don't feel guilty of not attending the show :-P.

But now,

I sincerely feel lonely !

I miss everyone !

And above all I have started feeling that I am moving away from all my loved ones! 

I feel like I am on a journey to the Lost Island! 

I just wish like in the fairy tales, I get to meet a Peter Pan, who might take me with  him to Never Land instead ! Where we could remain as children forever and never know the pain of the grown up minds !

But, for today, I have a good news!

I have asked Mr. Dave to accept my absence in office tomorrow and my Dad's coming to take me back home tonight !!!

I miss Home !

I miss my Appa n Amma so very badly !!!

Amma ...

"Vava com'n home tonight !!! "